am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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