The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
