I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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