I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
