i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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