my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
