think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
