my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
