so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
