Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
