why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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