Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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