I can text with my tongue
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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