i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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