I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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