doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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