Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
