i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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