You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
