We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
