id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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