Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
