Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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