If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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