Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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