I think I died a long time ago.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
