well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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