That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
only if we run a train.
done.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
