i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
