I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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