Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
