I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
