Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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