She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
