oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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