There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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