Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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