I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
