I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
