I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
