No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
