You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
