I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
