No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
