I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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