Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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