i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
