Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
