Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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