my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
