Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Less talking, more tequila
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
