i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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