so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
