i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
